Honesty

So is honesty a virtue or a curse that will hunt us down like the plague? Normally that would be an easy question to answer. But it seems honesty has two faces. I never have a heavy conscience if I'm honest with someone. It's always a clean slate. In some cases, I wish I had been less forthcoming. Today, honesty seems to be the bastard child of evil and bad luck. I wear my heart on my sleeve. It's the only way to truly let someone into your life and have them get to know you. Otherwise, you only hide behind the face that everyone can see. People respect that about me and because of that, it's not really taken for granted. Wearing your heart out for all to see is also the most sure way to have it fall to the ground, get trampled on, and shatter into a million pieces of your being. If you manage to pick it up and paste it all together, it's still just a bunch of random pieces. Imagine taking a sheet of paper and putting it through the shredder. If you take enough time, it can be taped up and look like a sheet of paper, but there will always be a portion of it that is lost for all time. My heart is on the ground and has been stepped on, simply because I let truth into the picture and was honest about my feelings and who I really am. I'll start the process of mending it, hoping that it's only in a couple of pieces so that it doesn't take the better part of my next decade. I'll continue to be me to everyone who crosses my path. That's still the only way that I know to be. I only wish to know one thing while I gather up fragments from the soil: If honesty is such a virtue, why does it taunt me and seem to doom me to a life of loneliness? I hear over and over from people that I'm a great person and any woman to get ahold of me will be lucky. So, to that woman somewhere who will be lucky enough to find me, why are you letting me sit here and pine for you and simply imagine who you might be? I'm here and I'm not changing into anything I haven't been for years. Find me. Please. Some song lyrics (I always have some sort of music that fits with my thoughts and feelings. It's an occupational hazard) to explain me:

I'm looking for love this time.
Sounding hopeful, but it's making me cry
Trying not to ask why.
Love is a mystery. Mr. Curiosity be Mr. Please-Do-Come-and-Find-Me
Love is blinding when the timing's never right.
Who am I to beg for difference, finding love in just an instant
Well, I don't mind. At least I've tried.
I've tried, I've tried.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Thanks for those Jason!

random quote

Great quote or portion of it. No idea where it came from. Might help certain people who would feel too far separated from some of the ones that are loved the most.

"...contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."

*sigh*

Cannonball....I love these lyrics!

Cannonball

There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It's still a little hard to see,
What's going on

There's still a little bit of your ghost, you're weightless
There's still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

There's still a little bit of your song in my ear
There's still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage, teach me to be shy
Cause it's not hard to fall...and I don't want to scare her
It's not hard to fall....and I don't want to lose
It's not hard to grow....when you know that you just don't know

Ages and Ages

It's amazing to me how relative something like a number of years can be. We speak of an era like it were the blink of an eye. The older times are just the same to us and in many cases encompass a century. Weird how so many different values can be attributed to a single word. Ten or eleven years. A very short stint in the big picture of history. Simply the blink of an eye again. As you live your life, it seems like an eternity. Eleven years go by and it almost unfolds as a smaller life written within your larger one. So much can mold you in that time. How is it possible then that a person who is that much younger can connect with you? Perhaps they can't, and we just try to justify it as that. Or perhaps two people's minds can be on the same page even if their ages are not. Still, as we get older, and more of our own lives become history, the gap shrinks almost into extinction. A person 41 and one 30 we may look at and say, "They make such a great couple." Yet if we are to rewind the clock, and they are 15 years younger each, we become judgemental and now we say, "That's disgusting!" Why is it so disgusting, so revolting? Not because history tells us it is. If we look back in time, it was common. And still we don't call those people from those times disgusting, we call them a civilization. The root of this word being "civil." They're just as much if not more civilized than we ourselves. But we're too vain to look at it that way. Because at some point in time, we regarded someone in society so highly, that we embraced their views as the standard for our own. Who's to say that they are really correct? My contention would be that they are blinded by their own misconceptions. Maybe I'm confused and need a reality check. It wouldn't be the first time and, me being human, I would hate for it to mark the last. If it does, I stop learning.